More Bathtime

I’m sure most of you get sick and tired of seeing bathtub pictures but Trigger LOVES bathtime!  And it’s an easy time to get some pictures of him because he is contained in one area..haha!  So I’m posting bathtub pictures today. 

In the middle of pictures, I’m just going to share my heart and some random things/feelings I have.  Before I begin, the first picture is of Trigger doing his “homework” that Mrs. Kristi (our speech therapist) has given him.  Trigger is doing alot better with his speech but he still drools alot.   Some of his muscles in his cheeks just aren’t strong enough.  So, we have put away all sippy cups and replaced them with ONLY straw cups.  PLUS, he has to suck something thick once a day (like yogurt, jello, etc.)  He also has to blow five times on this harmonica morning and night.  THAT is the hard part.  It’s just hard for me to remember…that would be why we were doing it in the bathtub…because I had forgotten. 

I also wanted to say that Trigger has gotten very brave in the bathtub.  He likes to lay down in the water now. 

Well, on my irritated post, I am sorry if I sounded really harsh.  I really didn’t mean to be ugly.  Matt came home and said it was a pretty harsh post but to NOT apologize for my words because that’s how I felt.  Well, I am apologizing.  However, it was from my heart and I was feeling those things.  I have received soooo many emails/comments on that post.  I haven’t responded to everyone’s emails….I’m sorry!  Please know that I have gotten them and they meant ALOT to me! 

I feel like I need some bullets for these thoughts because none of them really connect.  If you know me, that’s kind how my thoughts are though.  I’m a very scattered thinker.  Poor Matthew is getting better at following along.  Chasten, I have to say, usually doesn’t skip a beat and knows what I’m talking about. :)

So I’m having mixed feelings.  I am so ready for Campbell to arrive.  In fact, stillbirth (and our increased risk of it)  scares me so bad.  We should be covered because of the nonstress tests that I am having twice a week.  If you have a good one, your baby should live for five days.  That should give me a little comfort but it really doesn’t.  It’s probably a good thing that we don’t have an excessive amount of money like Tom Cruise or I would probably want Matt to buy me an ultrasound machine.  :) And I’m sure that would be just wonderful for me and that I would have NO fears after that…hahahaha!  That would just create a whole new set of fears and anxieties!  I just really am at the point that my body hurts at night…I’m pretty good during the day…that I’m ready to deliver Campbell.  I’m ready for him to be here in my arms where I can see him breathing and know that his little heart is beating. 

And then there is Trigger.  I know every mother must go through this when they are pregnant with the second child.  I am worried about his transition.  I’m sure it will be just fine.  But I truly feel sorry for him.  I feel like we have built him up for disappointment.  He, of course, has been our WORLD.  I will catch Matt and I just watching Trigger eat or play…and I think…this poor child has NO IDEA what is coming!  Matt says…and it is totally true…that he NEEDS a sibling.  He needs someone to take some attention off of him.  I don’t know that it would be healthy for him to have this much attention for a long time…he might would have problems in life! :) I do wonder how I will juggle both a toddler and a newborn.  Trigger is a smart little boy.  I think he’s already figured out that something is going on.  Matt says that I’m crazy but I truly think he’s already begging for attention.  I’m probably not helping things!  I’ve been trying to help him prepare…as much as you can with a 21 month old!  I have shown him pictures of me and Matt holding a baby (Trigger when he was a baby) and I we have started this thing where I say, “where’s momma’s baby” and he’s suppose to point to my belly.  Then I say, “where’s momma’s big boy” and he points to himself and says “big boy”.  However, he usually points to himself for both “momma’s baby” and “momma’s big boy”.  And truth be told, he is my baby too!  I just can’t get over how much he’s turning into a big boy.  I’m in denial!!!!

I am 36 weeks…will be 37 weeks on Thursday.  I can NOT believe I have made it this far.  We are not planning on having any more children.  As I have said many times, it’s too hard on my body and the dr.s have advised against it.  In fact, our fertility/RE dr., when we first mentioned that we wanted to have another child before we were pregnant with Campbell, asked us if we had thought about adoption.  Not that there is anything wrong with adoption…I think adoption is wonderful!  But, I don’t/didn’t feel lead to adopt.  Who knows what the future will hold?!?!  I did ask Dr. Harper a couple of months ago if he thought I should have my tubes tied.  He said he didn’t think it was a decision to be making at the end of my pregnancy with all the hormones…and if I had ANY reservations then it was not up for discussion anyway.  Well…of course I have reservations so we are not having my tubes tied.  I did ask Dr. Harper again what he thought about having more children…he said I could if I didn’t want to live…GOTTA LOVE DR. HARPER!!!! :) so I’m thinking that we will not be getting pregnant again.  And, supposedly, we can’t get pregnant on our own anyway!  I say that and I will probably be pregnant when Campbell is three months old….SHHHHHH!  I shouldn’t have even said that!  Anyway, I just went off on that…I was just saying all of that stuff because I am trying to be thankful for these last days being pregnant since I will probably NEVER be pregnant again.  I do LOVE those little (sometimes huge) movements…I would prefer that they were a little lower and NOT under my ribs but I LOVE them! I am still planning on making my blog private.  I just don’t really know how that works and haven’t felt like figuring it out.  I’m thinking I have to invite people?!?  And, that I may have to have your email address.  When I figure it out, I will probably post something about sending me your email address if you want to follow the blog.  Then, give everyone a week or so to respond.  I just feel like this might be a little safer to have my blog private!

One more thing…and again…i know that these are random comments.  But I’m trying to remember all these different things since I don’t scrapbook.  As I have said/posted before, I have to get Heparin shots twice a day.  I’m pretty sure I am getting too much…and I’m pretty sure that my blood is as thin as water.  It’s very strange.  I will get my shot and it won’t even bleed.  THEN, a few hours later, the spot just starts bleeding and bleeding and will continue for up to 7-8 hours.  WEIRD and a little freaky!  We (Matt and I) have taken it upon ourselves to back down on my dosage.  My current dosage is ALOT more than what I was taking with Trigger and I think it’s just gotten to be too much for me. 
Okay…this is EXTREMELY long…and I’ve got to actually go take a shower before Trigger comes back home! :)