A little irritated~

First, let me say that I am seriously considering making this blog private (only family and VERY close friends) because of negative comments and certain individuals who are trying to throw things in my face.  I started this blog because I truly do not have the time, energy, or money to scrapbook the way I would like to!  I absolutely LOVE pictures so this is a great way to keep them all in one place since I don’t print them out anymore.  It’s great because now you can print your blog out into a book soooo it’s pretty much your life in a book!

I’m irritated BECAUSE (and let me just say that I called this one) I have certain people who are assuming that since I do a few activities, my blood pressure and health are fine.  That is NOT the case.  Dr. Harper took me off work at 26 weeks.  My bp has NOT been great and I have been upping my meds.  Honestly, my bp is more like a roller coaster right now.  I know of several people (grandparents and usually elderly) that have chronic hypertension that have this problem alot.  I, however, do NOT have the roller coaster blood pressure.  If I checked my bp right now, it would be high I’m sure.  But there are times lately where it bottoms out…weird because I’m not used to that.  When it’s low, I can barely get up because I feel so weak.  Then, the next minute it is over 140/90.  Dr. Harper has told me that since I have chronic hypertension AND because I’m so anal about checking it and my health, he has given me more leeway than the normal patient…otherwise, I would’ve probably been in the hospital OR already delivered Campbell. 

Matt and I feel very blessed because we have made it this far.  Most people are so supportive of that and agree with us that three things have contributed to Campbell staying in longer:

1. LOTS of prayer

2. Being on different blood thinners (higher dosage this pregnancy than with Trigger)

3. Being off of work.

I am a GENIUS at covering up my emotions and making everyone THINK everything is ok.  Matt is probably the ONLY one that knows when I am bottling something up that truly bothers me…yes, i rant and rave alot but the things that really bother me, NO ONE KNOWS.  I have been like that since a child and Liz fully believes it contributes to my hypertension.  If you have gotten the impression that this pregnancy has been rosey because you have seen me out occasionally, I can assure you that it has NOT been rosey.  Now, I am not complaining because we have had (so far) a much better outcome than with Trigger.   I’m tired of shots…if you haven’t had a heparin shot in your belly, I pray you never experience it…BURNS..and that’s twice a day.  I spend double (actually it’s probably triple) the time at the dr./hospital  than the average pregnant person.  Bc of my blood pressure, my hands have swollen so much that my ring size has increased by three sizes!!!  I cried for about an hour last night because of the pain that I have been having.  I almost had a full out panic attack with chest pains today because I was trying to remember if/when Campbell moved because I feel responsible….if you don’t know, we are at greater risk for a stillbirth (all three of my conditions causes my risk to go up individually…so altogether, Im at GREAT risk).  I truly am the ONLY one that can tell the dr. if something is not going right.  A little stressful…because of course I want Campbell to be delivered healthy.  Honestly, I have wanted Dr. Harper to just do the csection so he could be out of my body.  I know that may sound crazy but at this point, he would be fine and it would make me feel better to be able to look at him breathing.  I am having these NST’s twice a week and hopefully that will catch something early enough.  I just read the other night that if you have a “reactive” (good) NST, your baby should survive for 5 days.  Most of you don’t know that our NST on Tuesday was not exactly the best.  He said that Campbell wasn’t showing enough variability….my thoughts, “let’s just go now and get him out”.  We waited and repeated the NST on Thursday and it was fine.  He’s letting me go for the weekend (mainly because he’s not there today and the weekend).  I have to go first thing monday morning and have another NST and have to go straight to see him (I don’t have an appt…so I will prob be there forever). 

I’m not sure why I am explaining all of this.  I’m not trying to complain because there are people out there with babies that have serious illnesses and mine does not (that we know of).  However, those of you that want to judge me for being at home to rest so I can have a healthy pregnancy, please stop reading my blog. I don’t post for you.  I post for my family and close friends that care to hear about what is going on and see pictures of Trigger acting up! :) So I’m off to Waltz to go get my one millionith prescription.  And please remember that I am just following dr.s orders…he took me off work…but did NOT put me on bedrest!

And one more thing, if you ask me about this post, I will not tell you the individuals that I am talking about…sorry! 

Thank you to my true friends (and family, of course) that do not judge but call to check on us and truly PRAY for us!  I really do appreciate it.