Infertility

Okay...so I ran across this blog a few months ago. She posted about infertility last spring. I just read the post again and thought it was so good that I would copy and paste it to my blog. Matt and I do not have major infertility issues. However, we were told that we will always have to have a proceedure (IUI) to get pregnant. Most of our problems are after we actually get pregnant...but we did try for 18 months before we finally found out our problem and got pregnant with Trigger. Not being able to get pregnant (especially when it seems like everyone around you gets pregnant on the first month trying), is NOT FUN! It's stressful....However, Matt and I learned alot from our miscarriages, infertility, pregnancy troubles/hospitalization, and preemie baby! I really am thankful that God gave us those trials so that we could grow closer to him and closer to each other...and let me tell you, that precious baby (Trigger) that is asleep in his crib is LOVED...because we soooo tried hard and prayed hard to get him here!!! He's truly a miracle!
Some of the things we learned throughout our trials, were things to NEVER say to someone that has infertility. Here is what "The Land of Oz" says in her post:

This week is National Infertility Week. Did you know that 7.3 million Americans suffer from this disease........surprised? I was until we became one of those statistics. I hope you know that infertility is not an easy thing to go through or to talk about. It's not fair.......it's embarrassing......and it down right stinks! But, I'm glad that I know God's heart......and that He is good. He was good 3 years ago when we were slapped with the devastating label of infertile. He is good today as my precious, miracle twins are snuggled up together sleeping. And, He will be good tomorrow when I am faced with that oh-so-perfectly timed reminder that we are still one of those 7.3 million. Because I know that He is good, I believe our trial has a purpose. I am only now beginning to see glimpses of this purpose, but I know that someday it will all be clear. One of those glimpses is found in this verse:
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
I want to share some things that God used to bring comfort to me and my hubby during our infertility journey. I hope you will be able to share these tips, resources and advice as you show compassion to a friend or family member who is still in the midst of their own struggle.
"A good person's mouth is a clear fountain of wisdom; a foul mouth is a stagnant swamp." Proverbs 10:31
Things NOT to say to someone suffering from infertility:
1. "You are just stressed. You need to go on a trip and stop trying".....and then add that it worked for your sister-in-law's cousin's friend. Stress does NOT cause infertility........EVER! Infertility causes stress!
2. "Just adopt"....and then add, "There are so many babies up for adoption that need good homes, and people who adopt always end up getting pregnant." Nope there aren't. Nope they don't. While adoption is a WONDERFUL way to become a parent, it is a God thing........something that must be bathed in much prayer (and only after couples are able to first cope with their infertility).......it is not an "easy fix." While there are lots of babies "who need good homes," that doesn't mean that they are "available for adoption." And, just because your roommate's old gym teacher adopted and then turned up pregnant, it is not the norm. Adoption does not cure blocked tubes, correct ovarian disease or give bad "swimmers'" lessons.
3. "Why don't you try.........." Don't give pointers about crazy positions, boxers, herbs/creams, relaxation techniques or old wives' tale remedies. Most couples have a REAL medical diagnosis and factual lab work from a reproductive specialist. Maybe you think the pillow propping worked for you, but I GUARANTEE that your infertile friend has already tried this and it didn't work!
4. "Well at least you have.........." The desire to have a baby with the man/woman you love is not overridden by the fact that you have a good job, a nice home, or a great spouse. This is not helpful. Remember, it is because they have a "great" spouse that they want to have a baby.
5. "You're lucky to have freedom.....my kids are driving me crazy!" Please realize that this person would gladly suffer any physical pain, grocery store toddler meltdowns and countless sleepless nights for just the chance to "enjoy" what you are complaining about. I remember being at Wal-Mart and hearing a lady scream at her little toddler, "You make me so mad...I could kill you!" I cried as I passed by the diaper isle and thought, "Lady, I'd give my right arm for a little girl like that.......temper-tantrum and all."
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. "Romans 12:15
Some Compassionate Tips:
1. While it is super-hard for a person suffering with infertility to hear that another friend is pregnant, it is even harder to be surprised with the news at a party or in public. It is not that your suffering friend it not happy for you; they are just sad about their situation. The most loving thing to do if you are pregnant or know that another acquittance is pregnant is to share the news with your infertile friend in private before an event where the new will be shared. It is a lot easier to deal with when you can get over it at home rather than being bombarded with the news at a social function where there is no closet to cry in.
2. If you are hosting a baby shower, send your infertile friend an invitation. But, attach a loving note explaining that you completely understand if they choose not attend. You may even want to add that you would be happy to pick up a gift for them or go in together on a present. (Shopping for baby things is really difficult when you have been told that you may never your own baby to buy things for.)
3. Be sensitive. Watch out for word vomit! You would never discuss the latest selection of VS bra's with a mastectomy patient or trendiest hair styles with a chemo patient. So, don't talk about baby stuff with an infertility patient. Only discuss your children if he/she brings them up, and try not to complain about them.
4. Don't complain or joke about your amazing fertility. Quotes like: "If my hubby just looks at me I get prego!" "All of our kids are accidents." "We can't even share a bar of soap!" "I can't wait to get him fixed!" "The doctor says, I'm fertile Myrtle!" "We just always pick a birthday"................are extremely insensitive and hurtful to a person desperately wanting a child.
"A friend loves at all times" Proverbs 17:17

If you are having infertility problems or have a friend that is, I hope this helps. It really summed up how I felt/feel!!!